Happy girls are the prettiest girls

3.04.2014

inner thoughts

I don't have a yummy Tasty Tuesday post for you today, so I figured I would try something else. How about a few random facts about me?
My favorite headshot, thanks to a wedding I worked in October
I hate ticking clocks. If I am in a room with a clock that ticks, I get inexplicably crazy and want to throw it out the window. While I was living at my friend Kate's house between moving out of my apartment and then to Texas, I stayed in her beautiful guest room. Kate had a lot of fun decor pieces in the room that really added an heirloom, vintage, found treasure sort of feel. One piece was a book that had been turned into a clock. Within minutes of moving into that room, I had located the ticking clock and removed the battery. I felt so much better once the ticking had stopped. As much as I hate ticking, I love the look of a good old fashioned analog clock. If there is such as thing as a clock face that doesn't tick, please let me know about it, because I would love to have a cool clock as decor. I never replaced the battery in the book, I hope Kate doesn't mind!

I am not skilled at forgiveness. You may think this is out of character for me, and that's true. It takes an awful lot to get me to the point where forgiveness is necessary; I can take a lot from any given person. However, if you push too far, take too much, or hurt me too bad, it is very unlikely you will get the same relationship from me. This manifests in different ways depending on the situation, of course, and severity of the wrong doing, and often ends up being a "straw that broke the camel's back" scenario, rather than something outright terrible.

Tying in nicely with my lack of forgiveness is a strong sense of justice and right vs. wrong. It's pretty ridiculous how easy it is for me to point out injustice and get infuriated by it. It's the crusader in me, the protector, the nurturer. I hate seeing people I love wronged. I am not always able to do anything about another person's situation, which is very frustrating. 

Although forgiveness is tricky for me, I am working on showing grace. There are so many instances where I want to be bitchy, or revert to my natural truth seeker ways and call someone out on the BS, but what would that serve? It would make someone dislike me, over something that takes so little to just shrug off. I think this is why when I get to the need for forgiveness, I have such a hard time. If I've shown so much grace up to this point, there's gotta be that line that gets crossed to flip my switch.

When I get tired, like out past pumpkin time tired, I become extremely hyper. It's such a weird thing, me going from so tired I want to cry, to wired up like I've had caffeine. I try not to get that tired, because it wreaks havoc on my body clock and I wind up feeling hungover the following day. Billy and I used to go to a lot of local car meet ups on weekends, meeting up with friends until the wee hours of the morning shooting the breeze and comparing car parts and strategies. I would often hit this tired point, and spaz out. I developed a reputation of sorts for this behavior, and also for the fact that I always craved the soft baked cookies from the grocery store across the street from our normal hang out, and would bring them back to feed the group. It makes sense though, get really tired, eat sugar.

I really am an optimist. I see the glass half-full, and look for the best in all situations, naturally. I try not to let much bring me down, at least not for long. I am a human being after all, and get brought down by pain, emotions, and general stress. This factors in when others come to me to help them sort out their stuff. I try to help them see all of the angles, look for the silver lining if there is one, and try to come up with constructive fixes, rather than let them get bogged down in the situation. Try is the key word here, I don't have all the answers, or even know the best thing to say in any given moment, but I genuinely love listening and trying to help.

Billy says I punch like a girl, but I kick like a man, {I load up my knees pretty well, according to him} and I've got a ridiculously strong rear-naked choke. And yes, this is because when I ask him to teach me MMA moves, he really does, even if it means I am practicing on, and possibly hurting him in the process. I really love having a 3rd degree TKD black belt for a hubby. He understands my love of MMA {thanks to him!} and supports me when I get a little crazy and want to try something new. Like a wicked arm bar. I'm obsessed with them, and think I'm not too bad. 

I somehow think that at any given moment, there is someone who needs to know what I am doing, eating, or thinking. Thank you social media for allowing me to indulge in this narcissism. 

As I have grown older, I have begun to embrace more of an honest lifestyle. I try to be honest with myself about my needs and wants. I try to be honest with others about what my expectations are, and also in my thoughts and actions. I want to be authentic and real, even when it's ugly. Now, this isn't perfected, I am still working on accepting what I consider the more shameful parts of myself, and how to present myself fully, flaws and all to everyone else. I definitely give a more authentic face to those that are close to me, and have a more guarded face for others, but that is how you protect yourself. This blog post was my way to be more authentic and honest with you. I hope it helped you get to know me a little better, and feel closer. 

Now, what about you?

3 comments

  1. wow those first three paragraphs sounded so much like me, it's scary! No ticking clocks!!

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  2. Beautiful picture!!

    Haha too funny about the ticking clock! There is one in my living room right now that I can hear and now that you have mentioned it, it's pretty annoying! It's normally not quiet enough to hear it! My grandparents have chime clocks amd they are super annoying!!

    Love the honestly of this post.

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  3. Love this post! Being my authentic self is a journey I continue to work on. It's a struggle and it's much more than just putting yourself out there, but also looking inward to see why you feel the way you do about certain things and see if you need to adjust. So challenging. I love the picture you posted as well!

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